TODAYS JOKES
STAY TUNED FOR SOME NEW HUMOR
Little Thelma comes home from first grade and tells her father
that they learned about the history of Valentine's Day. And, "Since Valentine's
Day is for a Christian saint and we're Jewish," she asks, "will God
get mad at me for giving someone a valentine?
Thelma's father thinks a bit, then says "No, I don't think God would get
mad. Who do you want to give a valentine to?"
"Osama Bin Laden," she says.
"Why Osama Bin Laden," her father asks in shock?
"Well," she says, "I thought that if a little American Jewish
girl could have enough love to give Osama a valentine, he might start to
think that maybe we're not all bad, and maybe start loving people a little bit.
And if other kids saw what I did and then they sent valentines to Osama,
he'd love everyone a lot. And then he'd start going all over the place tell everyone
how much he loved them and how he didn't hate anyone anymore."
Her father's heart swells and he looks at his daughter with newfound pride.
"Thelma, that's the most wonderful thing I've ever heard."
"I know," Thelma says, "and once that gets him out in the open,
the US Marines could blow the shit out of him."
A Racer's Life is not meant to be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving
safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside,
thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming
WOW - what a fxxkxxg ride !!!
Monica
Joke
Monica Lewinsky was walking on the beach when she found a lantern washed
up
on the shore. She started to rub it and out popped a genie.
"Oh goodie, now I will get three wishes!" she exclaimed.
"No," said the genie, "You have been very bad this year,
and because of
this, I can only give you one wish."
"Let's see," says Monica, "I don't need fame, because I
have plenty of that
due to all of the media coverage. And I don't need money, because after I
write my book, and do all my interviews, I'll have all the money I could
ever want. I would like to get rid of these love handles, though. Yes,
that's it, for my one wish, I would like my love handles removed."
Poof!! And just like that...... her ears were gone.
“They keep talking about drafting a Constitution for Iraq.
Why don't we
just give them ours?
It was written by
a lot of really smart guys,
it's worked for over 200 years,
and Hell, we're not using it anymore."
Sad.........and not funny............but awfully true.
Did you hear, they found Bin Laden.
The US Military sprinkled Viagra all over Afganistan
and the little prick just popped up. :-)
And the chase is on............................
05/25/06
RH